


The Action

by LilyK



Category: Starsky & Hutch
Genre: Gen, transcript
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-07
Updated: 2021-02-07
Packaged: 2021-03-12 21:07:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29266986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilyK/pseuds/LilyK
Summary: Following the death of a friend, Starsky and Hutch infiltrate an illegal gambling club that is being run from the back of an 18-wheeler.
Collections: Starsky & Hutch Original Series Transcripts





	The Action


    THE ACTION
    
    Season 3, Episode 12
    
    Original Airdate: January 7, 1978
    
    Story by: Alvin R. Friedman
    Teleplay by: Alvin R. Friedman and Robert E. Swanson
    Created by: William Blinn
    Directed by: Ivan Nagy
    
    Summary: Following the death of a friend, Starsky and Hutch infiltrate an illegal gambling club that is being run from the back of an 18-wheeler. 
    
    Cast: 
    

David Soul ... Det. Ken 'Hutch' Hutchinson

Paul Michael Glaser ... Det. Dave Starsky

Antonio Fargas ... Huggy Bear

Bernie Hamilton ... Capt. Harold Dobey

Carmine Caridi ... Sam Eberly

Richard Venture ... Clay Hilliard

James Sikking ... Ted McDermott

M. Emmet Walsh ... Freddie

Melanie Griffith ... Julie McDermott

John Carradine ... The Professor

Kenneth White ... Officer Hobart (as Ken White)

Julienne Wells ... Ellen McDermott

Marc Alaimo ... Daimler

Mary Steelsmith ... Ginger

Leonard P. Geer ... Truck Driver

Gerry Black ... Policeman

Eldon Burke ... Gambler

Victoria Wells ... Barmaid (as Victoria Ann Berry)

Quinn Cummings ... Toni McDermott
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Marlborough Health Club**
    
    TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: The ball is snapped. He steps back into the pocket, but the blitz is on by the middle linebacker, number 56. He's missed two of his blockers already.
    
    FREDDIE: God dam, ya chump! What is this man, a pacifist? Hey, Teddie, boy, you're just in time for the second half of this sitcom. Hey, hey, let's have a little side bet. Hey, I'll take the Rams.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Fred, not tonight, thanks. I wanna see Hilliard.
    
    EBERLY: Yeah, he wants to see you too, in his office.
    
    TELEVISION ANNOUNCER: Let's take another look at that. You might never see it again.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Hilliard’s Office**
    
    HILLIARD: Come in, Mr. McDermott. I've been expecting you. You can leave your installment on the desk.
    
    MCDERMOTT: I didn't bring it.
    
    HILLIARD: That's very disappointing. You know, you're two months behind already. Your losses are dangerously high.
    
    MCDERMOTT: I'm not gonna pay you, Hilliard. I've paid enough.
    
    HILLIARD: If you can't swim, you shouldn't jump in over your head. You might drown.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Don't threaten me, Hilliard. Listen, I could have this place busted wide open.
    
    HILLIARD: Mr. McDermott needs some physical therapy, Ingie.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Now, now, wait a minute, wait a minute. Uh... We don't have to go this route.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – McDermotts’ Apartment**
    
    HUTCH: Ted and Ellen inviting us over for dinner is one thing, but setting us up with two lovelies, this is not their style.
    
    STARSKY: Working on the streets must have warped your mind. Hmm. Spooky.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah. Ellen? Toni? 
    
    TONI: Aah!
    
    HUTCH: Oh, you got me!
    
    STARSKY: Hey! Ladies and gentlemen, it's clipping! Clipping!
    
    HUTCH: Let me up! Let me up! What's happening?
    
    STARSKY: Oh, my goodness, ladies and gentlemen.
    
    HUTCH: Get her off!
    
    STARSKY: Oh, penalty box. Ten minutes in the penalty box.
    
    HUTCH: Dump her.
    
    ELLEN: Starsky, Hutch. Aw, it's been so long, darling.
    
    HUTCH: Hey, gorgeous. How are you?
    
    ELLEN: Oh, you doll. Hey, it's past your bedtime. Now, off to bed.
    
    TONI: Oh, Mom.
    
    STARSKY: To bed! To bed!
    
    HUTCH: We'll come up later, say goodnight.
    
    STARSKY: Here, handle this pass, kid.
    
    HUTCH: Now, beat it, kid. 
    
    STARSKY: Good catch.
    
    ELLEN: I don't understand why Ted isn't here yet. He knew you guys were coming.
    
    STARSKY: Listen, since they promoted him to vice president, they probably expect a little overtime. You said something about a couple of friends being here.
    
    ELLEN: Ah, that went snafu.  That Marge called. She lost a filling.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    ELLEN: But Julie's here. Julie! This is Ken Hutchinson, and this is Dave Starsky.
    
    STARSKY: Hi. 
    
    ELLEN: Why don't you guys get acquainted, and I'll go rustle up some drinks.
    
    HUTCH: How are you doing? It's a pleasure to meet you.
    
    STARSKY: Nice to meet you.
    
    HUTCH: We're all sorry that, uh, Starsky's date couldn't show up, but why should we let that spoil our evening, huh?
    
    STARSKY: I have this, uh, strange feeling that we've met somewhere before.
    
    HUTCH: Like on the slopes of Aspen.
    
    STARSKY: Like on the slopes of...
    
    JULIE: No, it was seven years ago on the streets of the south side. And I had pigtails and braces. I'm Ted's little sister. And you took us to the ice-skating rink.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, yeah. Yeah. 
    
    HUTCH: He got frostbite on his mouth.
    
    STARSKY: And you got cocoa all over my letter sweater. Hey, look, why don't you help Ellen mix the drinks, huh? Stop talking to yourself. It's a bad habit. Come on, I'll show you the porch.
    
    HUTCH: Hope you have crop failure.
    
    STARSKY: Did you say something?
    
    HUTCH: Jive chump. Have a nice time.
    
    STARSKY: I will. 
    
    STARSKY: Hey, what's the matter?
    
    ELLEN: Ted left his office over two hours ago.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, well, he's probably stuck with a client or stuck in traffic or something like that.
    
    ELLEN: I'm scared, Hutch.
    
    HUTCH: This wasn't justa fixer-upper dinner, was it?
    
    ELLEN: No. I'm sorry it wasn't. I didn't mean to be so devious.
    
    HUTCH: Well, then why don't you just give it to me straight. Spit it out.
    
    ELLEN: Okay. Ted's become a gambling junkie. He can't stay away from it. $18,000, our life savings, in less than a month. That's just for openers. Bills are unpaid. He's still into them for more IOUs than I even know about.
    
    HUTCH: Who's "them"?
    
    ELLEN: Marlborough Health Club. Apparently, there's some action going on down there. And Ted's into it up to his eyeballs. I'm scared. I'm really scared.
    
    HUTCH: Ellen, what can I do about it?
    
    ELLEN: I'm not talking about money. Hutch, I'm talking about Ted's life. (on phone) Hello? Yes, this is Mrs. McDermott. I'll be right there. (end) That was County General. Ted's been in some kind of accident.
    
    HUTCH: Come on, let's go.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – County General Hospital**
    
    STARSKY: Just hang in there, Ted. Don't let go. Can't even hear me.
    
    HUTCH: Let’s just find out who did it to him. 
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Are you the officer that found Ted McDermott?
    
    POLICE OFFICER: Right. How's he doing?
    
    HUTCH: Touch and go. He's a friend of ours. What happened?
    
    POLICE OFFICER: Found him in a parking lot behind the Randall building. He was a mess.
    
    STARSKY: Any idea how it happened?
    
    POLICE OFFICER: Well, I ain't no doctor, but I've been on the force for 16 years. I'd say your buddy was worked over, by experts.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office**
    
    HOBART: What do you know about the Marlborough Club?
    
    STARSKY: We know that the Marlborough Club is a heavy-action gambling place where a lot of people get hurt.
    
    HOBART: We've been working on that club for six months. You stay out of it.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, so how come it's open for business as usual?
    
    HOBERT: They're smart. We raided them a couple of times. Zilch. I even joined myself. Undercover. Nothing. 
    
    STARSKY: You couldn't get into a Girl Scout picnic with a basket full of brownies.
    
    DOBEY: Hobart, you're out of line. And so are you two. Wipe that smile off your face. I know what you're angling for, and you may as well forget it. This is strictly a case for Vice.
    
    HUTCH: Captain, I beg to differ with you on that. We've done our homework.
    
    STARSKY: Captain, we went through open homicide files. We found, in the past year, two unsolved murders in which the victims were viciously beaten.
    
    HUTCH: And both of them just happened to be members of the Marlborough Club.
    
    STARSKY: And last night, a friend of ours almost lay out on a slab. Now, we think that that is business for Homicide.
    
    DOBEY: I'm gonna have to buy that, Hobart. All right. How do you wanna do it?
    
    HUTCH: How about the layered look?
    
    HOBART: What?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. Half-baked, half-staked.
    
    HUTCH: We'll show those chumps down at the Marlborough Club more action than they can handle.
    
    STARSKY: All we need is a, uh, long yard of green.
    
    DOBEY: All right, Hobart, how about Vice coming up with a couple of thousand for flash?
    
    HOBERT: Forget it.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you.
    
    STARSKY: Aw, cute.
    
    DOBEY: Well, I'm gonna give you 1,000 from departmental funds.
    
    HUTCH: $1,000. Captain... 
    
    STARSKY: $1,000 won’t even...
    
    DOBEY: That's all you're gonna get, and you can take it or leave it. And another thing, you're going to be working with Hobart in Vice.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, boy.
    
    STARSKY: Oh… All right. Just leave your Dick Tracy comic books at home, Hoby.
    
    HOBART: Yeah. Meanwhile, go in without your guns. They've got metal detectors.
    
    STARSKY: No fooling.
    
    HUTCH: I'm beginning to lose my enthusiasm for this assignment.
    
    STARSKY: Really.
    
    DOBEY: Here's your voucher for 1,000. Try not to lose it all.
    
    STARSKY: Lose it?
    
    HUTCH: Captain, you're looking at a couple of aces in a whirlpool of jokers.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Marlborough Health Club**
    
    EBERLY: Welcome to the Marlborough Club. Are you from out of town?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah. You reciprocate with the Houston Athletic?
    
    EBERLY: Well, there's no formal reciprocation, but, uh, maybe we can work out a guest membership. How long are you in town for?
    
    HUTCH: Few days. Few weeks. We try to move around.
    
    EBERLY: What line are you fellas in?
    
    STARSKY: Energy game.
    
    EBERLY: Energy?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, offshore oil. We met a gentleman on the plane from Cairo. He said this was a nice place. We thought we'd check it out.
    
    EBERLY: Make yourselves at home. If you want anything, just let me know. Now, uh, just fill out these cards and give them to the barman.
    
    STARSKY: What's the line on the Houston-Raiders game tonight?
    
    EBERLY: I have no idea, sir.
    
    STARSKY: Get me a phone. (on phone)
    
    HUGGY: Huggy Bear's haute cuisine that won't split your spleen.
    
    STARSKY: What's the odds on Salty Babe in the fifth?
    
    HUGGY: Who? Is that you, Starsky?
    
    STARSKY: Seven to one? Okay, give me ten grand on the nose.
    
    HUGGY: How about one right in the ear? You know you guys owe me 37.50 from last month's tab.
    
    STARSKY: What do you mean you can't give me ten grand? What kind of a cheap book you running there? Okay. Give me one grand.
    
    HUGGY: Starsky, did Hutch slam the door on your head again?
    
    HUGGY: Right. Salty Babe. I'll be at the Marlborough Club. On the nose.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Hilliard’s Office**
    
    EBERLY: Promising pair, Mr Hilliard.
    
    HILLIARD: Check them out carefully with our connections in Houston. If they pass inspection, we'll go to work. 
    
    EBERLY: And if they don't?
    
    HILLIARD: We'll send them looking for offshore oil. Way offshore. 
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Marlborough Health Club**
    
    HUTCH: Are you kidding me? Salty Babe never won anything in seven furlongs.
    
    STARSKY: That's the very reason the odds were long, my friend. What's that thing up there?
    
    FREDDIE: It's TV. All over the place. Security. Yes, sir, this is a first-class joint.
    
    STARSKY: Glad to hear that. You a gambling man?
    
    FREDDIE: Are you kidding? After three wives, four comebacks, five ulcers, what else is there? Uh, what's your game?
    
    STARSKY: You name it. Anything and everything that moves, we bet on it.
    
    FREDDIE: Yeah?
    
    HUTCH: Tell you what. Bet you 500 I get a drop of sweat off my nose before one drops off yours.
    
    STARSKY: You got it.
    
    FREDDIE: I'll be damned. Hey, that's the first time ever I saw a sweat race.
    
    STARSKY: Nothing like a little steam to clean out the old pipes.
    
    HUTCH: Hmm? 
    
    STARSKY: Oh, yeah.
    
    EBERLY: Uh, gentlemen, I'd like you to meet Mr Hilliard. He owns the club.
    
    STARSKY: Okay.
    
    HILLIARD: Sam tells me you two guys are interested in a little action.
    
    HUTCH: I'd say you had a fairly reliable staff.
    
    HILLIARD: Well, for a few special members, we have access to a private game. Interested in high-rolling crap game?
    
    STARSKY: Is a cat interested in mice?
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office**
    
    HUTCH: Oay, so the game is on for tonight. This guy Hilliard seems to be the juice.
    
    HOBART: Yeah, well, you get us some kind of signal, we'll come in like the marines.
    
    STARSKY: Lighten up, Hoby. We don't even know what room the game's in. What's going down is not a 331.
    
    HUTCH: We plan to bust him for extortion, assault and murder one. 
    
    STARSKY: That's not pitching pennies, if you know what I mean.
    
    DOBEY: You wanna go in there tonight alone so you can check it out, is that it?
    
    STARSKY: Right.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah, we do, except we don't have a chance of cracking that game with $1,000.
    
    DOBEY: Well, you can't have any more from department. What about Vice, Hobart?
    
    HOBART: Not a nickel from Vice, unless I'm on the inside.
    
    HUTCH: Starsk, would you kindly hand me my sweaters?
    
    STARSKY: Bye. Captain, I hope that cover you planned for us in Houston sticks, 'cause we're going in naked.
    
    
    **Interior – Day – The Pits**
    
    JULIE: Ted's still in a coma, but his condition has stabilized. That's pretty good, isn't it?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    JULIE: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: You know what? I bet tomorrow morning he wakes up screaming for bacon and eggs.
    
    HUGGY: You know what? I'm glad you dudes showed up. Hey, Starsky, how about my grand?
    
    STARSKY: What grand?
    
    HUGGY: Salty Babe in the fifth. I just made it to the bank.
    
    STARSKY: Huggy, I was just blowing smoke for some mark. You didn't actually bet that.
    
    HUGGY: On the nose, just like you said.
    
    STARSKY: Call your book and scratch it.
    
    HUGGY: It's too late. They're just about to call the fifth.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, no. Turkey.
    
    RADIO ANNOUNCER: Around the turn, there's Hopeful in front by a length. Amnesiac moving up fast on the outside. Proud Moment is in third.
    
    HUGGY: Where's Salty Babe?
    
    RADIO ANNOUNCER: Salty Babe closing ground on the inside.
    
    STARSKY: Salty Babe.
    
    HUTCH: Who?
    
    RADIO  ANNOUNCER: The rest of the field are far back.
    
    HUTCH: Come on, Salty Babe.
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Salty Babe. Come on. Come on, Salty Babe.
    
    RADIO ANNOUNCER: Salty Babe coming up...
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Salty Babe. Come on.
    
    HUTCH: Listen.
    
    STARSKY: Come on! Make your move! Make your move! Go for it!
    
    HUTCH: Shh!
    
    HUGGY: Come on.
    
    STARSKY: Come on, Salty Babe!
    
    RADIO ANNOUNCER: It's Amnesiac winning it by a neck. Salty Babe second, with Hopeful finishing third. We'll be back in one minute with a pay-off after this commercial break.
    
    JULIE: She came in second. That's pretty good.
    
    STARSKY: Close only counts in horseshoes.
    
    HUTCH: Oh, that's great, Starsk. You just blew our egg money.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, it wasn't my fault.
    
    HUTCH: Well, what are we going to use for a stake, huh? Pinball change?
    
    HUGGY: What are you guys jawing about? I'm out a grand.
    
    STARSKY: Ice game at the Marlborough Club. You got any lines on it?
    
    HUGGY: No. But if it's dice you wanna know about, the professor knows it all.
    
    STARSKY: Professor? Professor. Why didn't we think of that? He's got a loaded pair in every pocket. Hey, where's he lecturing now?
    
    HUGGY: Chez Ginger's. I hear they're quite an item.
    
    STARSKY: He and Ginger are an item?
    
    HUTCH: Starsk.
    
    HUGGY: Uh-huh.
    
    HUTCH: You seem to forget one thing.
    
    STARSKY: What?
    
    HUTCH: We've got a little cash-flow problem.
    
    HUGGY: Wait a minute. Wait a minute. 
    
    STARSKY: What are you doing?
    
    HUGGY: I got Dusty in the sixth.
    
    RADIO ANNOUNCER: Here are the results of the fifth race. There was a stewards' inquiry in and for interference at the start. Amnesiac, who finished first, was disqualified and placed last. The official results are, Salty Babe the winner, paying $26...
    
    HUGGY: What? 
    
    HUTCH: Whooo! 
    
    Starsky: Whooo! 
    
    HUGGY: Go, Salty Babe. 
    
    HUTCH: $1,000. I don't believe this. That's 18,000. I just got an idea. I know who's gonna deliver that money for us.
    
    JULIE: Who?
    
    HUTCH: You.
    
    JULIE: No.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    **Interior – Day – Lara’s Massage Parlor**
    
    GINGER: Is that the right spot, honey-bunch?
    
    PROFESSOR: Ah, pure nirvana, my sweet. The caress of your velvet digits would inspire the Bard to flights of epic verse.
    
    STARSKY: Tijuana burger.
    
    GINGER: Ain't you got no decency? The Professor ain't even a paying customer.
    
    STARSKY: Professor.
    
    PROFESSOR: This angel of mercy is merely ministering to my chronic lumbago.
    
    HUTCH: Well, you just take it easy, Professor. This is a social call.
    
    STARSKY: Come to pick your brain.
    
    PROFESSOR: This noble dome is the repository of a veritable lexicon of arcane science. You have but to petition, and I will lay my humble treasures at your feet.
    
    HUTCH: Can you translate that?
    
    STARSKY: Clay Hilliard, the Marlborough Club, runs a crooked dice game.
    
    PROFESSOR: Ah, yes. The information has drifted in to the effect that he has established an emporium under that pseudonym.
    
    HUTCH: That's not his real name. You'd think that Hobart would have told us.
    
    STARSKY: Vice would have those records.
    
    HUTCH: My boy, the man whose cognisance you seek is an old verity, the infamous Joseph Nolan. AKA Josie the N. The scourge of Las Vegas. Persona non grata everywhere civilised men gather to place an honest wager.
    
    STARSKY: Of course. Joey. He got kicked out of Vegas for hustling all the casinos.
    
    HUTCH: That murder rap that wouldn't stick.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you, Professor.
    
    HUTCH: Professor, you're a gentleman and a scholar.
    
    GINGER: And real educated too.
    
    PROFESSOR: Ah, you powerful pile of pummelling pulchritude, you make a new man of me every day.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Marlborough Health Club**
    
    STARSKY: Okay. 500 more says you can't tell me the name of Gene Autry's horse.
    
    HUTCH: Tony.
    
    STARSKY: You must be older than you look.
    
    HUTCH: I never met a horse I didn't like. Look, I got one for you. Give me the name of Tonto's horse.
    
    FREDDIE: Hey, hey, I know that. I know that. Give me.
    
    HUTCH: Uh… A thousand.
    
    HUTCH: You're on.
    
    FREDDIE: Old Pink.
    
    STARSKY: Hi Ho Silver.
    
    HUTCH: Get them up, Scout.
    
    EBERLY: Are you gentlemen ready for a little action?
    
    FREDDIE: Yeah, count me in. Count me in.
    
    HUTCH: Where's it at?
    
    EBERLY: All things at the proper time. I'm sorry, miss. No ladies in here.
    
    STARSKY: That's no lady. That's my runner.
    
    EBERLY: What?
    
    STARSKY: She works for my book. About time the shyster paid off.
    
    HUTCH: Right.
    
    JULIE: Hi. Huggy Bear just collected.
    
    STARSKY: Oh, beautiful. Now, look, you tell that crumb that if he can't give me pari-mutuel odds, I'm taking my business elsewhere. Come on over here.
    
    JULIE: Yes, sir.
    
    STARSKY: Set it right in there. Now, look, why don't you go buy yourself a nice black silk nightie, huh?
    
    JULIE: Thank you.
    
    STARSKY: Ah...
    
    JULIE: Big spender.
    
    EBERLY: I think the game is about to start.
    
    STARSKY: Just waiting for this. 
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Big Rig**
    
    This guy's got no rules. It's a good thing we're not carrying.
    
    HUTCH: Easy does it.
    
    STARSKY: Get a drink while we're waiting?
    
    HUTCH: Why not.
    
    DAIMLER: There'll be a slight delay, gentlemen, until we reach cruising altitude.
    
    STARSKY: You Okay?
    
    HUTCH: Get me a drink, will you, please?
    
    TORY: Okay.
    
    STARSKY: Scotch. On the rocks.
    
    TORY: On the rocks. Okay.
    
    STARSKY: Mmm. Splash of water.
    
    DAIMLER: Another Coke, Tory.
    
    HUTCH: Where's Hilliard?
    
    DAIMLER: He never joins the players. Bring it to the table.
    
    TORY: Okay, babe.
    
    STARSKY: You know, this is not really what you'd call a floating crap game.
    
    HUTCH: No?
    
    STARSKY: Mm-mm. This is a rolling crap game. By the way,
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: What is it you're wearing around you like that?
    
    HUTCH: This?
    
    STARSKY: Yeah.
    
    HUTCH: It's cheap sheep.
    
    STARSKY: You look like you belong to the Himalayan Mountain Police.
    
    STARSKY: Let's do it.
    
    DAIMLER” We have a few moments before we start, gentlemen. You may buy your chips.
    
    (lots of raised voices talking over each other)
    
    PLAYER 1: Over here. 1,000.
    
    PLAYER 2: Give me another thousand.
    
    PLAYER 3: I want a 5,000...
    
    CROUPIER: Place your bets.
    
    HUTCH: Ah, ah, ah...
    
    PLAYER: Buy me in for another 500, please.
    
    FREDDIE: Okay, now. I'll start with the usual, but we're gonna finish a little differently tonight. Who's getting it? Get on me tonight, guys. Get on me, because I'm going to do it tonight. My time, mine.
    
    CROUPIER: Coming up.
    
    FREDDIE: Yeah, yeah, yeah!
    
    HUTCH: Ah, ah, ah, don't touch my chips.
    
    PLAYER 1: Hope you guys got plenty of money.
    
    HUTCH: Where's the seven?
    
    STARSKY: Come on to Papa, baby. Come on, little golden.
    
    CROUPIER: Seven.
    
    PLAYER 2: That-ta-boy.
    
    FREDDIE: Yeah! Yeah! Watch out! Yeah! Yeah! Come on!
    
    PLAYER: I'm gonna play 200.
    
    CROUPIER: You got it.
    
    HUTCH: Seven. Place it one more time.
    
    PLAYER 3: Here we go!
    
    CROUPIER: Number, now. Number. Number.
    
    PLAYER 4: Do it. Seven!
    
    CROUPIER: Place your bets, please.
    
    PLAYER 4: You can't win them all.
    
    PLAYER: 500 more over here.
    
    CROUPIER: 2,000.
    
    FREDDIE: The juices are flowing, and I am going...
    
    PLAYER 1: On five. Give me a hard one.
    
    CROUPIER: Place your bet.
    
    PLAYER 2: Number seven. Number seven, baby.
    
    CROUPIER: Craps.
    
    PLAYER 3: Apologize, dice.
    
    FREDDIE: Hey, hey, yeah, uh, lend me five more.
    
    DAIMLER: Your credit's always good with us, Mr. F.
    
    FREDDIE: There goes the mortgage. Probably my fourth wife too.
    
    HUTCH: It was a cold shot.
    
    FREDDIE: Yeah.
    
    STARSKY: What have you got left?
    
    HUTCH: Two, three hundred. You?
    
    STARSKY: Car fare.
    
    DAIMLER: Now, we haven't landed yet, gentlemen. Just a brief pit stop.
    
    STARSKY: That's pretty slick. Drop off the money somewhere on the way back, come home pure as the driven snow.
    
    HUTCH: Nobody said it was gonna be easy.
    
    EBERLY: Hold it.
    
    HUTCH: Know what we need?
    
    STARSKY: A stomach pump.
    
    HUTCH: A little help from our friends.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Lara’s Massage Parlor**
    
    PROFESSOR: Now, the deluxe reverse hondo switch. If they're switching dice, the last thing they'll be looking for is you switching.
    
    HUTCH: Hey.
    
    PROFESSOR: Just keep the other pair concealed under your fingers.
    
    STARSKY: Piece of cake. Watch this. Oh.
    
    HUTCH: Needs a little refinement, huh?
    
    
    **Interior – Day – Memorial Hospital**
    
    HUTCH: Well, did you get enough sleep? Or did a frog kiss you?
    
    STARSKY: All right, enough malingering. Calisthenics outside the barracks in five minutes.
    
    MCDERMOTT: I heard you guys have been hanging around, taking advantage of my little sister while I've been incapacitated.
    
    HUTCH: Well, that's all Starsky's doing. He's got her working as a bag lady for a bookie.
    
    STARSKY: The hand. The hand.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Terrific.
    
    HUTCH: What? Oh, uh...
    
    STARSKY: The hand.
    
    STARSKY: Thank you.
    
    JULIE: Really.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Honey, give us a couple of minutes alone, okay?
    
    JULIE: Okay.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Thanks. Don't say it. Dumb. I know. Really dumb. It started off just as a kick.
    
    STARSKY: Then you got in over your head.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Yeah. I must have been looking for something.
     
    HUTCH: Like what? Seems to me you got everything you need. You got a beautiful family, good job, comfortable home.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Yeah, well, sometimes, uh, it gets a little too comfortable. You start looking for risks. Stupid risks. Anything to bust up the routine.
    
    STARSKY: Who played that tune on you?
    
    MCDERMOTT: Eberly. And some gorilla. I think they... I heard him call him Ingie.
    
    HUTCH: Well, we're gonna return the favor for you. You just concentrate on getting yourself in good shape. We're gonna bust that operation, make Hilliard eat it.
    
    
    Interior – Day – Dobey’s Office
    
    HOBART: Sounds to me like you guys struck out.
    
    STARSKY: Not if we squeeze Hilliard into a little mistake.
    
    DOBEY: How you gonna do that?
    
    STARSKY: Well, look, Hilliard insulates himself from all the action. All we gotta do is get him to turn up wherever they park that little dice crib. 
    
    HUTCH: Then follow that van and come down on Hilliard the minute he shows.
    
    DOBEY: What about a wire or a homing device?
    
    HUTCH: Forget about that. They got a fail-safe to cover it.
    
    STARSKY: All you gotta do is follow that van as soon as it leaves the Marlborough Club. Then we catch Hilliard with his hands in the cookie jar.
    
    HUTCH: As soon as the van door opens, we take care of the team inside.
    
    DOBEY: I don't like it, you guys being unarmed.
    
    STARSKY: Well, neither do we. We don't have much choice.
    
    HUTCH: With you and Hoby here covering our tails, what's the worry, huh?
    
    STARSKY: Mind if I worry? Just a little.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Marlborough Health Club**
    
    STARSKY: The theme song from the movie Casablanca for a C note.
    
    FREDDIE: I just ain't got my heart in it, fellas.
    
    STARSKY: Aw, what's the matter, pally? Just lose a loved one?
    
    FREDDIE: No. I'm about to. My old lady. If I don't stop rolling, she's gonna take a hike.
    
    HUTCH: So, why don't you quit, Freddie?
     
    FREDDIE: I'm ready to. Cold turkey. But I can't. Not with the dough that I owe these arm-busters. I tell you, all I need is one big score.
    
    HUTCH: Freddie. Maybe we can get it for you. Why don't you pass on the dice tonight. Just bet our action.
    
    STARSKY: See, Lady Luck just happens to be sitting on my shoulder.
    
    FREDDIE: You feel lucky tonight?
    
    STARSKY: Went to an astrologer. It's ordained. 
    
    HUTCH: So, why don't you cash in early when we give you the nod?
    
    FREDDIE: Oh, I will. Permanently.
    
    EBERLY: Flight time, gentlemen.
    
    STARSKY: Hey, hey, hey.
    
    HUTCH: Thank you.
    
    STARSKY: After you.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – City Streets**
    
    DOBEY: I don't see any of your units around.
    
    HOBERT: Don't worry. They're right behind us.
    
    DOBEY: They better be. I don't feel too good about my guys being in there without any arms. When those doors open, I want plenty of firepower.
    
    HOBART: Don't worry. My people will handle the rough stuff, Chief.
    
    DOBEY: I just don't feel too good about them being vulnerable.
    
    HOBART: They'll be there.
    
    DOBEY: Look at that truck.
    
    HOBART: Crazy nut.
    
    DOBEY: Get that truck out of there. Get that thing rolling. Move it. Get that thing rolling.
    
    EDDIE: I think one of my brakes has locked.
    
    HOBART: I'm a police officer. Get that thing out of here.
    
    DOBEY: Hobart! Hobart, get in the car! I can't see the van any more. We'll take a side street and get around him.
    
    
    **Exterior – Night – In a Big Rig**
    
    EDDIE: (on cb radio) Lennie, this is Eddie. Get a message to Mr Hilliard. I just cut off two cops. They were following the van. Boy, were they mad. You wouldn't believe it. What a scene. Over and out.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Hilliard’s Office**
    
    HILLIARD: Come in.
    
    EBERLY: Excuse me, Mr Hilliard, but Eddie was riding tail-gunner like he always does, and he netted this plain-clothes cop. The same yahoo that tried to join the club.
    
    HILLIARD: Did the van lose them?
    
    EBERLY: Yeah, the van's in the coop already. It's all clear over there.
    
    HILLARD: Thanks, Eberly.
    
    
    **Exterior – Night – City Streets**
    
    DOBEY: Looks like we've lost them.
    
    HOBART: No, no. They've gotta be around here some place.
    
    DOBEY: I think maybe I'd better get a helicopter up, although I think it's too late.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – In Big Rig**
    
    (raised voices and indecipherable chatter) 
    
    PLAYER: Hey, number!
    
    PLAYER: Hey, thattaway!
    
    PLAYER: Right over here!
    
    CROUPIER: Next shooter. Okay, we got a shooter coming up.
    
    STARSKY: All right, sweetheart.
    
    CROUPIER: All the bets down. Place your bets.
    
    STARSKY: I see a number now. Come on, baby! I'm rolling. I'm rolling. Pay this gentleman over here. Let the dream ride on.  Here we go. Are we ready? Here it comes. And roll.
    
    DAIMLER: All right. A hot shooter up. Let's go. Place your bets, gentlemen.
    
    STARSKY: Show me that you love me, sweet lady.
    
    PLAYER: One more time. One more time.
    
    STARSKY: Pay the man. Whoo! Come on, come on. Give me the dice. 
    
    DAIMLER: Bring them down here. 
    
    STARSKY: Hey, come on. What are you guys doing? That's the third time you've changed the dice in ten minutes, huh?
    
    DAIMLER: The house can change dice any time I say.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah, well, come on. Quit stalling. I'm standing in a draft. All right, all right, here we go. Hey, what's going on?
    
    HUTCH: I'm just trying to help him pick up his chips! He dropped his chips!
    
    STARSKY: Okay, here we go. Here we go. Are we ready? Get your eyes down. Are you ready? Are you ready? Here we go. Here we go. This is gonna be it. This is hot, man. Hot. Hot! There we go! All right! Cash me in now.
    
    DAIMLER: What's the hurry, gentlemen? The night's young.
    
    HUTCH: Maybe they can't. Maybe they haven't got it, huh?
    
    FREDDIE: Go on. Give him his money, or I'll break this place up. Come on, give him his money!
    
    DAIMLER: Now, just hold on. Just hold on. You'll get your money. Hold the bets. Hold the payoffs. Give me the club on the phone. We're getting hustled here.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – Hilliard’s Office**
    
    EBERLY: What is it, Mr Hilliard?
    
    HILLIARD: Those out-of-town high rollers just took the bank to the cleaners.
    
    EBERLY: That's impossible.
    
    HILLIARD: Exactly. There's only one way that could happen, and we're not gonna let them get away with it. Come on, let's get down there.
    
    
    **Interior – Night – In Big Rig**
    
    DAIMLER: Gentlemen, you're all gonna be paid. Relax.
    
    PLAYER 1: When?
    
    DAIMLER: Please, gentlemen, calm down. I've just talked to the front office, and everything is going to be taken care of. You'll all be paid.
    
    PLAYER: Okay. How long?
    
    PLAYER 2: Yeah, when?
    
    HUTCH: What are we gonna do, huh?
    
    STARSKY: You got me. 
    
    HUTCH: Daimler's got bulges in his armpits.
    
    STARSKY: That ape's got bulges everywhere. Dice.
    
    HUTCH: You know, you can always feed him a banana, try to make friends with him.
    
    STARSKY: That's not very funny.
    
    HILLIARD: Come on. Open it up.
    
    STARSKY: You hit him low. We'll take it from there. Freddie, could I have a word with you? Good luck. Come on over here for a second.
    
    (Fight ensues.)
    
    PLAYER: What's going on here? Hey! Hey!
    
    HUTCH: Well, Captain, he's all yours.
    
    STARSKY: See that? Indians.
    
    HILLIARD: Expecting somebody else? Your reception committee got side-tracked. You're doing a solo.
    
    EBERLY: The guys Eddie cut off?
    
    HILLIARD: Don't be naive, Eberly. Can't you smell pig?
    
    HUTCH: Well, no plan is perfect.
    
    HILLIARD: You and Ingie, get them out to the construction site. Make sure you plant them deep.
    
    EBERLY: You want us to snuff a couple cops?
    
    HILLIARD: Do it, Eberly, and quick. Moonlight's such a nice time for burials.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah.
    
    
    **Exterior – Night – Construction Site**
    
    EBERLY: All right, dig.
    
    HUTCH: What are you doing?
    
    STARSKY: I'm not gonna dig my own grave.
    
    HUTCH: You heard what the man said, right? Dig.
    
    STARSKY: Not a chance. You dig.
    
    HUTCH: Look, I'm not gonna dig your grave and mine too.
    
    STARSKY: Well, that stinks.
    
    HUTCH: Yeah?
    
    STARSKY: Great buddy you are. You won't even turn over a shovelful of dirt for me.
    
    HUTCH: Well, if you don't like it, you know what you can do about it.
    
    STARSKY: Yeah?
    
    HUTCH: Yeah!
    
    EBERLY: All right, dig.
    
    HUTCH: You stay out of it.
    
    
    **Interior- Night – McDermotts’ Apartment**
    
    HUTCH: So, when they couldn't find the van, uh... Dobey went back to the club, and they picked up Hilliard packing up the goodies.
    
    MCDERMOTT: And the grand jury handed down indictments?
    
    HUTCH: Well, with your testimony and our testimony and Eberly's, Hilliard's gonna be eating out of tin dishes for the rest of his life.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Good.
    
    HUTCH: Believe that.
    
    ELLEN: What about your big score at the dice table, Hutch? Early retirement?
    
    HUTCH: Well, there seem to some complications. The DA said something about prior claims. As a matter of fact, I think yours is one of them.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Hey, listen, is Freddie getting his money back too?
    
    HUTCH: Listen, not only is Freddie getting his money back, he's getting his mortgage back and his wife back.
    
    ELLEN: Oh, fantastic.
    
    HUTCH: He's one happy ex-roller. Believe me.
    
    MCDERMOTT: Where is Fast-fingers Starsky?
    
    ELLEN: Oh, he's, uh, playing liar's poker in the living room with Toni.
    
    HUTCH: Liar's poker, huh? He ought to be good at it.
    
    JULIE: Four sevens.
    
    TONI: Five sevens.
    
    STARSKY: Six sevens.
    
    JULIE: Challenge!
    
    TONI: CHALLENGE! 
    
    STARSKY: Well, I hate to break your hearts and take your money like this, but I have three sevens.
    
    HUTCH: He's lying.
    
    STARSKY: Well, what have you got?
    
    JULIE: I don't have any. I was bluffing.
    
    TONI: So was I.
    
    STARSKY: How do you like that? I'm surrounded by hustlers.
    
    END


End file.
